Still Showing Up

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First, I want to apologize for my inconsistency with writing.

I’ve been training harder, and my daughter has cross country and basketball, so there hasn’t been as much time to sit down at the computer and write.

But maybe that’s part of what this journey is about too.

Life doesn’t stop because I’m working on myself.

There are still practices, games, work, family events, responsibilities, and everything else that comes with having a family.

And lately, I’ve been learning to be thankful for where I am today.

Not just where I want to be.

Learning to Be Grateful

I’ve spent a lot of time focused on where I’m going.

250 pounds.

A half marathon.

Better health.

Better endurance.

More discipline.

But over the past couple of weeks, I’ve started thinking more about where I actually am.

When I started running, I was 340 pounds.

I was dealing with sickness, uncertainty, and a lot of unknowns.

I couldn’t just go out and run.

I started with intervals.

Run.

Walk.

Repeat.

Eventually, I worked my way up to being able to jog continuously for 30 minutes.

Tomorrow, I’ll be running 9 miles continuously.

That’s a pretty big difference.

And I think it’s important to recognize that.

I’m not where I want to be yet, but I’m nowhere near where I started.

I’m Thankful for the People Who Got Me Here

This journey hasn’t been mine alone.

My wife has been one of the biggest reasons I’ve continued showing up.

She’s supported me, held me accountable, and pushed me to get out there on the days when I didn’t want to.

My children have given me something I didn’t realize I had lost.

They made me a dreamer again.

They remind me that I want to be around, healthy, capable, and present for as much of their lives as I possibly can.

I’m also thankful for people I don’t even know.

The guys working inside new homes in subdivisions during the heat, probably working in conditions hotter than what I was running in.

The bigger guys taking their first step into their own journey.

The people who are just trying to get started.

And even the people like David Goggins who constantly remind you of the simplest part of all of this:

Do the work.

Get it done.

There are a lot of different reasons people start changing their lives.

But eventually, you still have to show up.

I Don’t Want to Do This Anymore

I’m not going to lie about this part.

For the past couple of weeks, I’ve wanted to quit.

I’ve thought about giving all of this up.

I got strep.

I was sick for several days.

I stopped running.

And once I stopped, I got comfortable.

I wanted to sit on the couch.

I wanted to watch television.

I wanted to eat whatever I wanted.

For the first time since starting this journey, I genuinely didn’t want to do it anymore.

I didn’t want to run.

And those thoughts are still there.

I’m dealing with them right now.

Maybe that’s normal.

Maybe everyone reaches a point where the excitement of starting something new wears off and you’re left with the work itself.

Because when I look at my life right now, I’m constantly moving.

Work.

Training.

Kids’ events.

Family functions.

Running.

Responsibilities.

There isn’t much downtime.

And sometimes I just want to be comfortable.

That’s the battle I’ve been having internally.

The difference is that I’m still showing up.

The Training Has Changed

A couple of weeks ago, I completed my 7-mile long run at a 17:05 pace.

Hell yeah, I was cooking.

Looking back, I was also getting sick and didn’t know it yet.

That Monday morning, I had that familiar tingling and itching in my throat that had been hanging around for a while.

I ended up taking three days off and started medication.

When I came back, I kept things light.

Friday night, I went to the gym and did an easy Zone 2 run along with some leg work.

Saturday morning, I wasn’t feeling great.

But I ran 8 miles anyway.

My pace dropped to 17:56.

I had regressed.

And I noticed something I couldn’t ignore.

At my current pace, I would barely make the four-hour cutoff for the half marathon.

That wasn’t good enough for me.

I’m not interested in simply surviving the race.

I want to train as hard as I can while still training intelligently and safely.

So the plan has changed.

I’m incorporating tempo runs.

Hill runs.

More aggressive training.

More structure.

Tomorrow is my 9-mile long run, and the goal is to run it at a more aggressive pace—closer to my planned half marathon pace.

I’ve also purchased the tickets for December 5th.

So now there’s really no pretending this isn’t happening.

We’re running the damn half marathon.

The Weight Has Slowed Down

The other side of this equation is my weight.

I’m still around 300 pounds.

And honestly, I haven’t done as well with food lately.

As my running volume increased, I started eating more.

I think part of me justified it because I was training more.

But calories still count.

Running doesn’t give me permission to completely lose control of my eating.

So I’m dialing that back in.

The scale hasn’t moved much lately, and I think my eating habits are a big part of that.

That’s another reminder that this journey isn’t just about running.

I can run more miles and still make poor decisions.

The work doesn’t stop just because one area is improving.

Sleep Is Improving Too

For the past month, I’ve averaged around six hours of sleep a night.

That might not sound impressive.

But before this, I was averaging four to five.

So I’m going to count it as progress.

Maybe I’ve been sleeping more because I’ve been sick.

Maybe my body is finally demanding more recovery because I’m training harder.

Either way, I feel better overall.

And I’m learning that progress doesn’t always look like a lower number on the scale or a faster pace.

Sometimes progress is simply getting an extra hour of sleep.

Sometimes it’s showing up when you don’t want to.

Sometimes it’s recognizing that you need to change the plan instead of pretending the current plan is working.

I Don’t Give Up

I’m proud of the results I’ve gotten so far.

I’m also lacking motivation right now.

Both things can be true.

Maybe it’s because I haven’t felt well.

Maybe it’s because I’m repeatedly beating my body up through training.

Maybe I’m just tired.

Maybe I’m reaching the part of the journey where the work isn’t exciting anymore.

Whatever the reason is, I don’t think motivation is going to solve it.

Discipline will.

And that’s one thing I’ve learned about myself through all of this.

I don’t give up.

I’ve wanted to.

I’ve thought about it.

I’ve wanted to sit on the couch and eat bad food and stop worrying about all of this.

But I’m still here.

Still running.

Still training.

Still working.

Still showing up for my family.

Still moving forward.

This is probably the toughest challenge I’ve taken on yet.

And I’m proud of who I am today.

Actually, I think I’ve become something better than I was before.

The best way I can describe it is this:

I have become a control monster, where before I was just a monster.

I’m learning to control the things I can control.

My actions.

My discipline.

My choices.

My effort.

My response when things don’t go according to plan.

I don’t need to be perfect.

I just need to keep moving.

Be proud of who you are today.

Do the work.

And always continue forward.

Forward under load.

Sometimes You Just Have to Survive

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August 20, 2026

I apologize for disappearing for a few weeks.

Sometimes life gets busy.

Sometimes training gets hard.

And sometimes you have one of those weeks where the goal isn’t to get faster, stronger, or better.

The goal is simply to survive it.

To make it to the other side.

These last couple of weeks have been some of the hardest I’ve had in a while.

And they taught me something I probably needed to learn.

I’m not 20 anymore.

The Follow-Up

Two weeks ago, I went to my follow-up appointment with the GI specialist.

Turns out I have a severe case of H. pylori.

Great.

At least we finally had a game plan.

Two weeks of antibiotics, get the infection under control, and start moving forward.

Except my body apparently had other plans.

The following week, I barely ran.

Two days.

I had been feeling like my internal body temperature was running hot, but I didn’t have a fever.

My wife would touch my skin and tell me how hot I felt.

I figured it was probably the heat.

I had been running in the heat.

I had spent Sunday in the pool.

Nothing seemed completely out of the ordinary.

Until Friday.

The Day Everything Stopped

I was at work when it happened.

I had been running hot, and then suddenly I became cold and clammy.

Then I started shaking uncontrollably.

My first thought was that I had somehow double-dosed one of my medications.

I called Poison Control.

They told me that even if I had accidentally taken a double dose, what I was experiencing didn’t really fit that situation and that I should be okay.

I got off the phone with my wife and told her I was going to the doctor because I didn’t feel right.

I made it outside to tell my manager that I needed to leave.

I finished my sentence.

And then everything changed.

I became incredibly calm.

Not peaceful.

Not relaxed.

Just…empty.

It felt like everything inside my body suddenly dropped.

My heart felt like it was going to stop.

My lungs didn’t want to cooperate.

I told my manager, “I’m going to pass out in a couple of seconds.”

I gave him my list of medications.

My supplements.

How much I had been exercising.

Everything I could think of that might be important for the EMTs because I honestly didn’t know if I would still be awake when they arrived.

And in that moment, I thought I was going to die.

Funny how your brain works when you think you might not make it.

I wasn’t thinking about running.

I wasn’t thinking about work.

I wasn’t thinking about anything I had accomplished.

I was thinking about my family.

Keeping myself together for them.

My heart rate was around 100 beats per minute, which honestly wasn’t terrible.

But something was clearly wrong.

About five minutes later, the EMTs arrived.

They hooked me up to the machines and started checking everything.

They asked if I wanted to go to the ER.

Yes.

Absolutely.

I could barely walk to the stretcher.

I ended up being carried into the ambulance.

And as we drove to the hospital, my brain went somewhere I didn’t expect.

Where did I go wrong?

What did I do?

What mistake landed me here?

I kept going through everything in my head.

The medications.

The supplements.

The running.

The heat.

The lack of sleep.

The infection.

Work.

Family.

Everything.

I was trying to solve the problem while lying in the back of an ambulance.

The Reality Check

When I got to the hospital, my wife met me in the room.

I spent a lot of time evaluating everything that had happened.

What had I done wrong?

What had I missed?

What had caused this?

And eventually, I came to a pretty simple conclusion.

I had been treating my body like it was the body of the 20-year-old version of me.

That guy could tank almost anything.

But that guy didn’t have the responsibilities I have today.

The 20-year-old version of me didn’t have a family depending on him.

He didn’t have a team at work depending on him to lead.

He didn’t have the same responsibilities.

He didn’t have the same stress.

He didn’t have the same life.

I’m 33 now.

I’m a father.

I’m a partner.

I’m a leader.

People depend on me.

And somewhere along the way, I forgot that my body has limits too.

The doctors were concerned about possible heart issues and elevated CPK levels.

I was put on a no-running restriction until I could meet with my primary care doctor.

And honestly?

I took it hard.

I wanted to run.

I didn’t want to lose the progress I had made.

I was afraid that the weeks and months of work I had put in were going to disappear.

I didn’t want to start over.

Then I started thinking about David Goggins.

I mean, this guy ran while pissing blood.

And here I was lying in an ER because my body wanted to shut down.

I was frustrated.

Embarrassed.

Angry.

I didn’t want to be the guy who stopped.

But Then I Looked Back

I started looking at everything I had been stacking on top of myself.

I was averaging four to five hours of sleep a night.

I had been fighting a bacterial infection that had been affecting me for roughly half a year.

I was running during the hottest parts of the day at 300lbs.

I was stacking supplements.

I was still showing up for my team at work because they needed me.

I was still showing up at home because my family needed me.

I was dealing with other personal issues.

I had other ongoing health issues.

And somehow I expected my body to just keep taking it.

No rest days.

No real recovery.

Just keep pushing.

Keep going.

Keep stacking more.

Eventually, the stack became too heavy.

My body finally said no.

And I was paying the price while lying in a hospital bed.

That was probably the most important lesson of all.

Rest Isn’t Quitting

I had to pivot.

That word has become important to me lately.

Pivot.

Adjust.

Make the correction.

Keep moving.

I started taking medication to help me sleep, and I’m now averaging six to seven hours a night instead of four to five.

I came up with a food plan where I’m eating every couple of hours.

I’m working through my personal issues and getting those resolved.

I stopped taking my supplements until I finish my medications.

None of these things are particularly exciting.

But they are necessary.

Yesterday, I finally met with my PCP.

I told him I felt like the appointment was a waste of time and money because I felt fine, but I wanted to do the right thing and get checked out.

He looked at my labs.

Listened to my heart.

Checked me over.

And basically told me I was healthy as an ox.

I was cleared to run.

I could finally get back out there.

The Fear Was Still There

I wanted to run yesterday.

It was the hottest day of the summer.

Of course it was.

But my body was still recovering.

So I took one more rest day.

That was another lesson.

Being cleared to run doesn’t mean you have to run.

Sometimes listening to your body means choosing not to.

Today, I went back.

Forty minutes.

In the heat.

And I felt great.

Honestly, I felt like I could have kept going.

But this was my first run since the incident.

So I stopped.

This weekend, I’m supposed to run six miles.

And I’m not going to lie.

I’m scared.

Before today’s run, I was texting my wife about it.

I told her I was scared of going out there.

Scared my body would react the same way.

Scared of overheating.

Scared about six miles this weekend.

Scared about what this means for my half marathon.

Scared about whether I can actually accomplish MOAB 240 someday.

I was letting fear dictate my running.

Then my wife brought me back to reality.

Just show up.

Listen to your body.

If you can only do 20 minutes of a 40-minute run, that’s okay.

You showed up.

You tried.

That’s the truth.

Sometimes That’s Enough

There are going to be days when you can run for an hour.

There are going to be days when you can only run for ten minutes.

There are going to be days when you don’t run at all.

The important thing is learning the difference between quitting and listening.

I think I had confused the two.

For a long time, I thought toughness meant pushing through everything.

But maybe real toughness is knowing when to push.

And knowing when to stop.

I’ve done scary things before.

I’ve gone through scary situations.

I’ve been through things that, at the time, I wasn’t sure I would make it through.

So why was this any different?

Because this time I wanted to be comfortable.

I’m not 20 anymore.

I’m not the kid who went through boot camp years ago.

I’m a father.

My family needs me.

Being strong doesn’t mean pretending that doesn’t matter.

It means making sure I’m still here for them.

Back to Work

So today I went out.

I ran for 40 minutes in the heat.

I listened to my body.

I didn’t chase a pace.

I didn’t prove anything.

I just ran.

And when I got home, my body felt like a million dollars.

That’s when I realized something.

We’re cooking now.

The engine is still there.

I just need to stop treating it like it’s indestructible.

I need to trust the plan.

I need to trust the process.

And I need to trust myself enough to make adjustments when something isn’t working.

The Storm

These last couple of weeks have been a storm.

H. pylori.

Medication.

Exhaustion.

An ambulance ride.

An ER visit.

Fear.

Frustration.

A forced break from running.

And a lot of uncomfortable self-reflection.

But storms don’t last forever.

Eventually, you come out the other side.

And sometimes you come out a little different.

I made mistakes.

I pushed too hard.

I didn’t recover.

I ignored some of the signs my body was giving me.

But I also learned.

I pivoted.

I made corrections.

And now I’m moving forward.

Maybe that’s what life really is.

You make a mistake.

You learn from it.

You fix what you can.

You keep moving.

You don’t get to go back and change what happened.

You only get to decide what you do next.

For me, what’s next is simple.

Trust the plan.

Respect the recovery.

Listen to my body.

Show up.

One run at a time.

One mile at a time.

One correction at a time.

Slow.

Steady.

Deliberate.

Forward under load.

Mistakes Make Better Runners

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There are weeks when everything clicks.

There are weeks when you set a personal best.

And then there are weeks where every run teaches you something you didn’t know before.

This was one of those weeks.

Showing Up Anyway

I’ll start with some honesty.

This wasn’t my best week.

It wasn’t my fastest.

It wasn’t my strongest.

It was simply a week where I kept showing up.

Sometimes that’s enough.

Sunday started exactly how I wanted it to.

An hour and a half of upper-body strength training.

Running is helping me lose weight, but I know if I stop lifting, I’ll eventually lose muscle too. I’ve always had broad shoulders and good upper-body strength.

Maybe it’s genetics.

Maybe it’s from years of carrying kids, groceries, backpacks, and every random thing my family asked me to haul around.

I’ll let you decide.

After the gym, I headed out for what was supposed to be a four-mile run.

That’s when I learned a lesson the hard way.

The Day My Knees Caught Fire

Earlier that morning, my knees were bothering me, so I rubbed Icy Hot on them.

Seemed like a good idea.

What I failed to consider was the weather.

It was 98 degrees with a heat index of 107.

I also sweat.

A lot.

About a mile and a half into the run, my knees felt like they were literally on fire.

Not uncomfortable.

Not sore.

On. Fire.

I managed three miles before calling it quits because there was no convincing myself to keep going.

Back home, I tried everything to get the burning to stop.

Then I made mistake number two.

I jumped into a warm shower.

If you’ve ever put Icy Hot on your body, you already know what happened next.

It somehow burned even worse.

The cold shower finally brought some relief, and I spent the next couple of hours sitting in my recliner with cold towels draped across my knees wondering if I was about to become the first person to visit the emergency room because of muscle cream.

Thankfully, by that evening, everything was fine.

Lesson learned.

No more Icy Hot before running.

A Bigger Engine Doesn’t Mean You Floor It

After taking a couple of days off, I was back on Wednesday.

The weather had cooled into the mid-80s.

The plan called for an easy recovery run.

My brain had other ideas.

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve started feeling something different.

I finally feel like I’m becoming a runner.

My stride has naturally started getting longer.

My body is changing.

Running feels…different.

So instead of following the plan, my ego decided it wanted to see what this new engine could do.

I ran my first mile in 13 minutes and 29 seconds.

For me, that’s flying.

For about thirteen minutes, I felt unstoppable.

Then reality showed up.

The remaining sixteen minutes became an exercise in survival.

Every step reminded me why coaches tell you to trust the plan.

I paid for that first mile.

But I’m glad I made that mistake during training instead of on race day.

Sometimes experience is the best coach.

Running in the Rain

Thursday brought another first.

Rain.

Thunder.

Heat.

And somehow…

Peace.

There’s something difficult to explain about running through a storm.

Knowing everyone else is inside where it’s comfortable while you’re outside chasing a goal creates a different kind of energy.

It isn’t about proving anything to anyone else.

It’s about proving something to yourself.

Those are the runs you’ll remember.

Solving Problems on the Fly

Yesterday’s run reminded me that running is really just problem-solving in motion.

My heart rate was running much higher than normal.

I was frustrated.

The weather wasn’t terrible.

I hadn’t changed much.

Then I noticed my right calf.

It felt swollen and tight.

That’s when it clicked.

Over the last week, I’d changed my stride.

Longer strides meant different muscles were doing more work.

I shortened my stride back to what felt natural.

Almost immediately, things settled down.

Problem identified.

Adjustment made.

Keep moving.

That mindset feels familiar.

In operations, things rarely go according to plan.

You don’t panic.

You troubleshoot.

You adapt.

You solve the problem with the information you have.

Running isn’t much different.

Every mile is collecting data.

Every run teaches you something.

The goal isn’t perfection.

The goal is learning fast enough to keep moving forward.

One Battle I Still Haven’t Won

If there’s one area that continues to hold me back, it’s sleep.

I’m still averaging far less than I should.

I’ve tried melatonin.

I’ve tried CBD.

I’ve tried magnesium glycinate.

I’ve even tried prescription medication, but I’d rather not rely on it long-term.

Some things make me feel drowsy.

None of them have consistently helped me sleep.

I know recovery isn’t optional.

It’s part of training.

It’s probably the next habit I need to figure out.

Because fitness isn’t built only during the workout.

It’s built while your body recovers afterward.

If you’ve struggled with sleep and found something that genuinely helped—not just another supplement—I would love to hear it.

What worked for you?

Leave me a comment. I’m always looking to learn from people who’ve been where I am.

Looking Ahead

This week wasn’t about breaking records.

It was about making mistakes.

Learning from them.

Adjusting.

And showing up again anyway.

Burning knees.

An ego check.

A rainstorm.

A sore calf.

None of those things stopped the journey.

They simply became part of it.

I’m beginning to realize that becoming a runner isn’t about learning how to run.

It’s about learning how to adapt.

One mistake.

One adjustment.

One mile at a time.

Slow.

Steady.

Deliberate.

Forward under load.

Choosing Forward

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There are weeks when the miles matter.

There are weeks when the scale matters.

And then there are weeks where simply refusing to quit is the biggest victory of all.

This week was one of those weeks.

The Reality Behind the Progress

My current weight is 295 pounds.

When I started documenting this journey back in June, I weighed 310 pounds. Seeing 295 isn’t the finish line, but it reminds me that consistency adds up, even when life feels like it’s pulling you in every direction.

Running continued this week, although not as much as I had planned.

This week’s numbers:

  • Weight: 295 lbs
  • Runs: 3
  • Total distance: 9 miles
  • Longest run: 4.2 miles in 1:16:40
  • Average pace: 19:05 per mile
  • Average heart rate: 139 bpm
  • Total steps: 53,030
  • Total walking/running distance: 24 miles
  • Average daily steps: 8,698
  • Strength training: Upper body session
  • Average sleep: 5 hours, 32 minutes

One run stands out more than the others.

The temperature was in the 90s with a heat index around 110 degrees. Every logical excuse said to skip it.

I ran anyway.

Not because it was enjoyable.

Because becoming the person I want to be means learning to keep promises to myself, even when the conditions aren’t ideal.

A Wake-Up Call

This week also brought something I had been dreading.

I had an EGD, and if I’m being honest, I was scared.

I’ve never been put under anesthesia as an adult, and sitting there waiting forced me to think about how years of drinking and eating poorly have caught up with me.

Thankfully, the news was better than I feared.

There was no cancer and nothing immediately serious. The doctor found inflammation and red spots in the lining of my stomach, and I’ll learn more at my follow-up appointment.

A previous ultrasound also revealed that I have fatty liver disease. My liver is enlarged, and it’s another reminder that my health isn’t something I can continue putting off.

Exercise, better nutrition, and Omega-3 supplements are part of the treatment now.

There isn’t a shortcut out of this.

Only better decisions made consistently.

Running Gave Me Another Option

I’ll admit something that’s uncomfortable to say out loud.

With everything happening in my personal life, my health, and the uncertainty at work, I’ve wanted to drink.

The old version of me would have.

That was how I handled pain.

I would numb it.

I would run away from it.

This time has been different.

I don’t know if it’s because I found running.

Maybe it’s because I’m 33 years old.

Maybe it’s because I have children who are watching me more closely than I realize.

Maybe it’s all of those things together.

Whatever the reason, when life has pushed me toward self-destruction, I’ve chosen to lace up my shoes instead.

Running hasn’t solved my problems.

It has simply given me a healthier direction to carry them.

And for right now, that’s enough.

My greatest accomplishment this week wasn’t another mile.

It wasn’t a faster pace.

It wasn’t a lower number on the scale.

It was staying sober.

Learning to Take Care of Myself

One lesson surprised me this week.

I realized I need time for myself.

For years, I’ve tried to be present for everyone else.

My wife.

My kids.

My job.

The people who depend on me.

Recently, I decided not to attend one of my kids’ basketball weekends.

That wasn’t because I don’t love them or don’t care.

Anyone who knows me knows I’ve spent years coaching, supporting, and investing in them. Basketball has been a huge part of my life since I was young, and I still believe in what they’re capable of becoming.

But I also realized something.

You can’t keep pouring from an empty cup.

For thirteen years, I’ve made sure everyone else’s needs came first.

This Sunday, I stayed home.

I sat in the quiet.

I listened to music.

I wrote.

And for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was taking care of myself instead of simply surviving another week.

That doesn’t make me a bad father.

It makes me a healthier one.

Looking Ahead

There are still storms I’m walking through.

Some are health-related.

Some are personal.

Some are happening at work as our organization continues to change.

I’m not ready to share every detail yet.

Maybe someday I will.

For now, I’m choosing to keep moving.

The goal for the next seven days isn’t perfection.

It’s simply to be better than I was this week.

One better decision.

One more run.

One more healthy meal.

One more night without alcohol.

I’m learning that resilience isn’t surviving until the storm passes.

Sometimes resilience is learning how to live while the storm is still here.

Slow. Steady. Deliberate.

Forward under load.

Resilience Is Built in the Difficult Weeks

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This past week was a reminder that progress is not always measured by perfect days.

Sometimes progress is measured by continuing to show up when life feels heavy.

There have been some challenges behind the scenes that have made this season difficult. I’m not going to get into every detail, but I will say that life has been testing my patience, my discipline, and my ability to stay grounded.

What I’ve learned through this process is that rebuilding isn’t just about physical transformation. It’s about learning who you are when things are not going according to plan.

And this week, I learned something important:

I am more resilient than I realized.

The Physical Progress

My current weight is 294 lbs.

While I know I still have a long way to go, I can truly feel the progress I’ve made. The weight I’ve lost has made running feel completely different. My body feels stronger, my endurance is improving, and I’m starting to see what consistency can create.

This week I completed:

  • 5 runs
  • 13 total miles

The biggest accomplishment came when I ran for one full hour straight, completing 3.4 miles.

That moment meant a lot. Not because of the distance, but because I know how much work went into getting there. Running for an hour was something that once felt out of reach, and now it is something I have accomplished.

I also completed another longer run where I ran for 50 minutes and 3 miles.

The following day, I attempted another long run, but my body had a different plan. The soreness from the hour-long run caught up with me, and I completed 35 minutes instead.

Funny enough, my Garmin watch even told me I needed recovery after my hour-long run. It was a good reminder that listening to my body is also part of becoming stronger.

Recovery is not weakness. Recovery is part of the process.

Movement Outside of Running

The running was only one part of my activity this week.

My total movement was:

  • 63,733 steps
  • 30 total miles
  • 10,572 average steps per day

Every step represents the commitment I’m making to become healthier and build a better version of myself.

Nutrition and Sleep

This was not my strongest week nutritionally.

I’ve continued trying to make healthier choices, but the stress and challenges of life affected my consistency. My nutrition wasn’t where I wanted it to be, and that is something I want to improve moving forward.

Sleep has also been a challenge.

I averaged around 5 hours of sleep, which is not where I want to be. I know rest plays a huge role in recovery, energy, and overall health.

This is another area where I need to continue improving.

The important thing is that I recognize where I need to make changes.

Strength Training Update

The gym was another area where I missed the mark.

I did not complete any strength training sessions this week.

The reason came down to excuses. Going to bed late affected my mornings, and I wasn’t waking up when I needed to.

Instead of continuing that pattern, I found a solution.

My workplace has a gym available, including a stair stepper, and I’m going to start using it after work. The goal is to remove the obstacles that were preventing me from getting it done.

The rebuild is about adapting.

If one approach isn’t working, find another way.

What I Learned This Week

The biggest lesson from this week is that I am stronger than I give myself credit for.

I have responsibilities as a father, a partner, and someone trying to improve his health. Some days are harder than others, but I continue to show up.

When I look back at everything I’ve overcome in my life, I realize I’ve handled difficult moments before.

This is another chapter.

Not an easy chapter, but one that is shaping me.

The Next 7 Days

The goal for the next week is simple:

Stay grounded.

Stay patient.

Continue moving forward.

I know the road I’m on will have ups and downs. The goal is not to have a perfect week. The goal is to keep building, keep learning, and keep becoming the person I know I can be.

Slow. Steady. Deliberate.

Returning to the Work

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Building Consistency Under Real Life

This week continued the rebuild, but it didn’t happen in ideal conditions. It happened inside work stress, family life, weather, fatigue, and small physical setbacks. That’s what makes it matter more than the numbers.

Total running was around 6 miles across 3 runs, with the longest stretch being about 30 minutes of continuous running. On paper, it’s a small week. In reality, it represents a return to consistency after a break.

Physical health

This week marked an important step forward in endurance.

After about four months of building, my wife and I were able to run 30 minutes continuously. That’s a simple milestone, but it reflects a shift in capacity—moving from stopping and restarting, to staying in motion.

There were still challenges.

Heat and wind played a role in how hard each run felt, and I’m still learning how to manage effort when conditions aren’t ideal. Pacing isn’t just about speed right now—it’s about energy control. Knowing when to ease off so I don’t burn out early is still something I’m developing.

There was also a setback with ankle supports that ended up irritating the bottom of my foot. That forced a mid-run adjustment and reinforced something important at this stage: small changes in gear or form can have outsized effects when the base is still being built.

Despite that, I kept moving.

Mental discipline

The hardest part of the week wasn’t physical.

It was re-entering routine after taking a break the week prior. Motivation didn’t return instantly, and getting back into running required more intention than momentum.

But once I was back in it, the mindset shifted. Instead of forcing performance, the focus became observation—just taking the runs as they came and staying present through them.

There’s also been a quiet mental win in simply showing up again after disruption. That pattern—break, return, rebuild—is part of what discipline actually looks like in real life.

Family and presence

This week had a strong reminder of why this process matters.

Running alongside my son brought a sense of connection that sits outside of training metrics or goals. It was simple, but grounding.

On Friday, my daughter’s birthday added another layer to the week. We spent time at the pool for about four hours, and the kids had a great time. That day wasn’t about training at all—it was about being present.

We also celebrated her birthday on July 4th with family, fireworks, and a cookout. Days like that are part of the balance this rebuild has to hold.

The goal isn’t just fitness—it’s showing up fully in these moments.

Body awareness and recovery

There were a few physical signals worth noting this week.

A side discomfort showed up, which may be related either to ongoing GI issues or lingering costochondritis from years ago when I was lifting heavy. It wasn’t severe, but it’s something I’m paying attention to rather than ignoring.

Sleep, on the other hand, was strong. One day in particular included about 10 hours of sleep, which helped recovery more than expected. Recovery is starting to show itself as a real factor in how the next run feels.

Strength and rebuilding balance

For the first time in about five months, I also returned to the gym.

I lifted weights in the morning before the weekend, and it felt good to reintroduce strength work—not just cardio. It’s a reminder that rebuilding isn’t one-dimensional. Running is the focus, but strength still matters for long-term durability.

That combination—running, strength, recovery—is what will eventually support consistency rather than strain.

Habits that are holding

The foundation is still the same:

  • no alcohol since February 2025
  • fewer fast food and takeout meals
  • more home-cooked meals
  • consistent return to running
  • reintroducing strength training
  • tracking progress over time

None of it is extreme. The goal is still sustainability.

Looking ahead

The focus for next week is consistency under structure.

Now that 30 minutes of continuous running is possible, the goal shifts slightly—from “can I do this?” to “can I repeat it reliably?”

The planned structure is:

  • Monday: 35 min run
  • Tuesday: 45 min incline work
  • Wednesday: 35 min run
  • Thursday: strength training
  • Friday: 30 min run
  • Saturday: 3 mile run

Nothing about this week is about intensity. It’s about building repeatable rhythm.

Closing thought

This isn’t a transformation.

It’s still a rebuild.

Some weeks are clean. Some weeks are disrupted. Some weeks include family celebrations, work pressure, and physical adjustments all at once.

The goal remains the same through all of it:

Slow, steady, and deliberate.
Forward under load.

What I’m Rebuilding

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This journey is not just about weight loss.

It’s about rebuilding the structure of my life.

Physical health

I’m working toward reaching 250lbs.

That number matters, but what matters more is the process of getting there:

  • consistent running 4 times a week
  • improving endurance over time
  • rebuilding strength and conditioning through repetition

This is not about shortcuts. It’s about staying consistent long enough for change to become permanent.

Mental discipline

I’ve always dealt with anxiety, especially around health.

What I’m learning now is that discipline reduces that noise.

When I stick to my routines—running, eating better, showing up—it becomes easier to manage my thoughts instead of being controlled by them.

Family and presence

One of the most important parts of this process is my family.

I have a wife and three children. A good day for me isn’t defined by productivity—it’s defined by presence.

It’s being there with my kids, watching them laugh, and not feeling like I’m mentally somewhere else.

Those moments matter more than anything else I’m working on.

Habits that are changing

The foundation of this rebuild is simple habits:

  • no alcohol since February 2025
  • fewer fast food and takeout meals
  • more home-cooked meals with my wife
  • consistent running schedule
  • tracking weight and progress

None of these are extreme. They are sustainable.

What I’m aiming for

The goal isn’t just to lose weight.

It’s to become:

  • more consistent
  • more present
  • more capable under pressure
  • more disciplined in daily life

And to maintain that while still carrying responsibility at home and at work.

This is not a reinvention.

It’s a rebuild.

Slow, steady, and deliberate.

Forward under load.

Where I’m Starting From

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This is a continuation of my journey of rebuilding under pressure.

I’m 33 years old, 6’1”, currently 310lbs, and working my way down to 250lbs. I’ve already lost about 30lbs so far, but I still consider this the beginning of a longer process—not the middle or the end.

My current routine

Right now, I run four times a week in the afternoon. I usually run with my wife and three kids. It’s not perfect training conditions, but it’s consistent—and consistency is what matters right now.

Some days feel easier than others, but I’ve learned not to measure progress by how I feel in the moment. I measure it by whether I showed up or not.

Changes I’ve made

One of the biggest changes has been my eating habits.

We don’t eat out daily anymore. That was a difficult adjustment at first, especially with our kids involved in travel basketball and busy schedules.

But my wife has stepped up in a major way. Most of our meals now are simple, consistent, and home-cooked—rice, chicken breast or ground turkey, and vegetables.

It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being better than before.

Alcohol and health

I haven’t had alcohol since February 2025, when my health concerns first started becoming real to me.

That change alone has had a noticeable impact—not just physically, but mentally as well.

Sleep and recovery

Right now, sleep is still something I’m working on. I average about 5–6 hours per night.

It’s not ideal, but it’s where I am currently. The goal is to improve it gradually without trying to force unrealistic changes that don’t fit my responsibilities.

What a good day looks like

A good day for me is simple.

It’s being present with my children and watching them laugh without a care in the world.

Recently, I had three good days in a row. I felt more present, more calm, and more connected with my family. I was off work during that time, and I used it to unwind—watch movies, spend time with my kids, and just be in the moment.

Those are the days I want more of.

What I’m working toward

My wife and I are currently training for a half marathon on December 5th, 2026. That goal gives structure to our running and keeps us focused on something beyond just weight loss.

Right now, I’m tracking both my running and my weight loss consistently. Nothing complicated—just awareness and accountability.

This is where I am right now.

Not finished. Not perfect. But moving forward.

One step at a time, under real responsibility.

Forward Under Load – The Beginning

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This is the start of a personal record of rebuilding.

I’m a 33-year-old male, 6’1”, currently 310lbs. I’m a father of three, a husband in a long-term relationship of 13 years, and I work as an operations manager. I also have two dogs, and my life is full of responsibility, routine, and pressure—like most people trying to balance everything at once.

Where I come from

My upbringing was not easy. It included mental and physical abuse, and over time I learned how to adapt to that environment just to get through it. As I got older, I also learned something else that mattered just as much—how to set boundaries with family when it became necessary for my own stability and my own household.

That process wasn’t clean or simple, but it was necessary.

Where I am now

For most of my adult life, I’ve struggled with anxiety—especially around health. I’ve always been aware of it in the background, but it became more serious over the last year after medical exams made it clear that I couldn’t ignore my physical condition anymore.

That was the turning point.

At 340lbs, I knew I had to stop treating my health like something I could deal with “later.”

What I’ve started doing

About 3–4 months ago, I started running.

At first, it was difficult—physically and mentally. But I’ve stayed consistent with it, and over time I’ve built real endurance. It’s not about speed or performance right now. It’s about showing up, even when it’s uncomfortable.

That consistency has started to carry over into other parts of my life as well.

Why I started this blog

This blog exists for one reason: accountability through documentation.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking and restarting privately. This time, I want to make the process visible—not for attention, but for structure.

Forward Under Load is about continuing forward while still carrying real responsibilities:

  • Fatherhood
  • Marriage
  • Work
  • Health
  • Mental discipline

Nothing gets paused while improvement happens.

What this journey is about

This isn’t about becoming a different person.

It’s about becoming a more controlled version of who I already am.

  • Losing weight in a sustainable way
  • Managing anxiety and health concerns
  • Building discipline through repetition
  • Staying present for my family
  • Learning consistency under pressure

The idea behind “Forward Under Load”

Life doesn’t lighten itself just because you decide to change.

You still show up for your family.
You still show up for work.
You still show up for responsibility.

So the goal isn’t to remove the load.

It’s to move forward under it—steadily, consistently, and with purpose.

This is the beginning of that process.

No shortcuts. No illusion of perfection.

Just progress—earned day by day.

Discipline, health, and mindset—earned, not given.