First, I want to apologize for my inconsistency with writing.

I’ve been training harder, and my daughter has cross country and basketball, so there hasn’t been as much time to sit down at the computer and write.

But maybe that’s part of what this journey is about too.

Life doesn’t stop because I’m working on myself.

There are still practices, games, work, family events, responsibilities, and everything else that comes with having a family.

And lately, I’ve been learning to be thankful for where I am today.

Not just where I want to be.

Learning to Be Grateful

I’ve spent a lot of time focused on where I’m going.

250 pounds.

A half marathon.

Better health.

Better endurance.

More discipline.

But over the past couple of weeks, I’ve started thinking more about where I actually am.

When I started running, I was 340 pounds.

I was dealing with sickness, uncertainty, and a lot of unknowns.

I couldn’t just go out and run.

I started with intervals.

Run.

Walk.

Repeat.

Eventually, I worked my way up to being able to jog continuously for 30 minutes.

Tomorrow, I’ll be running 9 miles continuously.

That’s a pretty big difference.

And I think it’s important to recognize that.

I’m not where I want to be yet, but I’m nowhere near where I started.

I’m Thankful for the People Who Got Me Here

This journey hasn’t been mine alone.

My wife has been one of the biggest reasons I’ve continued showing up.

She’s supported me, held me accountable, and pushed me to get out there on the days when I didn’t want to.

My children have given me something I didn’t realize I had lost.

They made me a dreamer again.

They remind me that I want to be around, healthy, capable, and present for as much of their lives as I possibly can.

I’m also thankful for people I don’t even know.

The guys working inside new homes in subdivisions during the heat, probably working in conditions hotter than what I was running in.

The bigger guys taking their first step into their own journey.

The people who are just trying to get started.

And even the people like David Goggins who constantly remind you of the simplest part of all of this:

Do the work.

Get it done.

There are a lot of different reasons people start changing their lives.

But eventually, you still have to show up.

I Don’t Want to Do This Anymore

I’m not going to lie about this part.

For the past couple of weeks, I’ve wanted to quit.

I’ve thought about giving all of this up.

I got strep.

I was sick for several days.

I stopped running.

And once I stopped, I got comfortable.

I wanted to sit on the couch.

I wanted to watch television.

I wanted to eat whatever I wanted.

For the first time since starting this journey, I genuinely didn’t want to do it anymore.

I didn’t want to run.

And those thoughts are still there.

I’m dealing with them right now.

Maybe that’s normal.

Maybe everyone reaches a point where the excitement of starting something new wears off and you’re left with the work itself.

Because when I look at my life right now, I’m constantly moving.

Work.

Training.

Kids’ events.

Family functions.

Running.

Responsibilities.

There isn’t much downtime.

And sometimes I just want to be comfortable.

That’s the battle I’ve been having internally.

The difference is that I’m still showing up.

The Training Has Changed

A couple of weeks ago, I completed my 7-mile long run at a 17:05 pace.

Hell yeah, I was cooking.

Looking back, I was also getting sick and didn’t know it yet.

That Monday morning, I had that familiar tingling and itching in my throat that had been hanging around for a while.

I ended up taking three days off and started medication.

When I came back, I kept things light.

Friday night, I went to the gym and did an easy Zone 2 run along with some leg work.

Saturday morning, I wasn’t feeling great.

But I ran 8 miles anyway.

My pace dropped to 17:56.

I had regressed.

And I noticed something I couldn’t ignore.

At my current pace, I would barely make the four-hour cutoff for the half marathon.

That wasn’t good enough for me.

I’m not interested in simply surviving the race.

I want to train as hard as I can while still training intelligently and safely.

So the plan has changed.

I’m incorporating tempo runs.

Hill runs.

More aggressive training.

More structure.

Tomorrow is my 9-mile long run, and the goal is to run it at a more aggressive pace—closer to my planned half marathon pace.

I’ve also purchased the tickets for December 5th.

So now there’s really no pretending this isn’t happening.

We’re running the damn half marathon.

The Weight Has Slowed Down

The other side of this equation is my weight.

I’m still around 300 pounds.

And honestly, I haven’t done as well with food lately.

As my running volume increased, I started eating more.

I think part of me justified it because I was training more.

But calories still count.

Running doesn’t give me permission to completely lose control of my eating.

So I’m dialing that back in.

The scale hasn’t moved much lately, and I think my eating habits are a big part of that.

That’s another reminder that this journey isn’t just about running.

I can run more miles and still make poor decisions.

The work doesn’t stop just because one area is improving.

Sleep Is Improving Too

For the past month, I’ve averaged around six hours of sleep a night.

That might not sound impressive.

But before this, I was averaging four to five.

So I’m going to count it as progress.

Maybe I’ve been sleeping more because I’ve been sick.

Maybe my body is finally demanding more recovery because I’m training harder.

Either way, I feel better overall.

And I’m learning that progress doesn’t always look like a lower number on the scale or a faster pace.

Sometimes progress is simply getting an extra hour of sleep.

Sometimes it’s showing up when you don’t want to.

Sometimes it’s recognizing that you need to change the plan instead of pretending the current plan is working.

I Don’t Give Up

I’m proud of the results I’ve gotten so far.

I’m also lacking motivation right now.

Both things can be true.

Maybe it’s because I haven’t felt well.

Maybe it’s because I’m repeatedly beating my body up through training.

Maybe I’m just tired.

Maybe I’m reaching the part of the journey where the work isn’t exciting anymore.

Whatever the reason is, I don’t think motivation is going to solve it.

Discipline will.

And that’s one thing I’ve learned about myself through all of this.

I don’t give up.

I’ve wanted to.

I’ve thought about it.

I’ve wanted to sit on the couch and eat bad food and stop worrying about all of this.

But I’m still here.

Still running.

Still training.

Still working.

Still showing up for my family.

Still moving forward.

This is probably the toughest challenge I’ve taken on yet.

And I’m proud of who I am today.

Actually, I think I’ve become something better than I was before.

The best way I can describe it is this:

I have become a control monster, where before I was just a monster.

I’m learning to control the things I can control.

My actions.

My discipline.

My choices.

My effort.

My response when things don’t go according to plan.

I don’t need to be perfect.

I just need to keep moving.

Be proud of who you are today.

Do the work.

And always continue forward.

Forward under load.